tumble
(into me). skip the beginning. skip the end. take me (into the middle).
Coming Home
I left home to go home. All I wanted was to go home.
Tiempo
“He tells me he ain’t got time. But the way I see it, he ain’t got nothing but. Time is a human-made thing. You gotta make it.”
Dear Diary
Its been a long time. Fistfuls of it.
Someone once asked me whether I miss anyone. I miss my tio Sergio. I miss my dad, Mike. I miss myself as a 5 year old girl. I didn’t have the same concerns and worries I do now. Did I have any worries? Bubble gum, scraped knees, and a pet hermit crab. Those were my worries.
Pigtails, learning how to ride a bike, and buying 5¢ candies from the lady around the corner. Baby baseball games at the field up the street, the creepy mansion on the other side of the loop, and pretending to be a Charlie’s Angel on rollerskates. Picking big fruit from tall trees, feeding bread to ducks at the park, sucking my thumb while mum rocked me to sleep. Those are the memories I want to remember.
But I have to think really hard about them to remember. Really hard. It makes me wonder whether some of them are memories I wish I had.
What I remember effortlessly are the sad ones. Mum and I running away when I was little. Mum crying every night and me not understanding why. Me trying to make new, 6month friends in another new place in a new language. Metal buckles screaming through water hitting my skin. Cuts and bruises in the shape of shoes. Being jailed inside a concrete house. Being locked in a dark room for days without water or food.
I think that’s when I got a little crazy.
Back then, I thought I’d come back here and remember the sweet. But once I got here, after a decade of being gone, I remember mostly the sour tenfold. Somebody fucked with this place while I was gone. Nobody warned me. No note. No “hey, by the way…”. No preface.
Only change. The deep blue funk kind.
Down These Mean Streets
“They had been mutilating my turf while I was gone, but the heart was still there. New faces and old hearts.”
Llamame cuando tienes corazón
“If you ain’t got heart, you ain’t got nada.”
