postscript

At first, it was difficult to say why, really. At some moments, it was, perhaps, inexplainable. But slowly, the truth and its meanings didn’t have to be researched, extrapulated or even explained. After a while of letting it be difficult, it unravelled itself.

I’ve been watching these films (because we all know there really is a difference between films and movies) for the past few days; examining each little intricacy, each character, each lesson and why, I couldn’t really say. I just knew that I was in the mood to watch films I’ve always loved; always felt close to; always felt they tought me things – things that were already taught but were buried just beneath the surface (just enough for me to forget a little). I watched and grooved to Brown Sugar and fell in love with deep friendships, the human heart, and great hip hop. My mouth watered during Soul Food and I found myself making a commitment to create new traditions with my family – even if that meant my immediate “family” was one person. I cried uncontrollably and giggled when watching A Very Long Engagement partly because it was sad but mostly because I remembered a lot of things I knew I purposely forgot.

The films I love cling to my heart because they’ve reminded me of things I know I should not have let go of. They impart lessons (as simple as they may be) on heroism, love, true friendships, and what it can mean to be a truly good person. The thing I’ve searched for ever since I was a child has been me – lil’ ol’ me. But tonight, over washing dishes and thinking of these films, that there’s nothing to search for; nothing to find. I came to a remarkable realisation.

I’m already here.

There’s nothing to find because I’m here. Right here. In the moment. If anything, I’m just learning about who I am, who I was, who I want to be. I have a beautiful photograph of this person imprinted in my mind. And I know there’s no more searching. No more digging. No more research that needs to be done.

I think, in the end, we’re all right here.