Living Life in Full Colour
When I was a young child living in South Korea, we had a small television set that rested in a tiered entertainment system. One day, I discovered that the entertainment system could be climbed. In my undies, undershirt, and bare feet, I crawled my way up to the top of the television, opened my mouth, and let out a scream. I made myself and my parents laugh that day and it is the earliest memory that I have of myself laughing.
My parents seemed to always make it a point to tell others how much I loved to smile and laugh – sometimes during inappropriate times just for the sake of laughing. I constantly laughed and smiled with ear-to-ear grins wide enough to make the Grand Canyon blush. My laughter, I think, was a sign for others that I could indeed find something to brighten a world that was often rendered in black and white for myself and my family.
A few weeks ago, I laughed out loud with a friend and was told I was being disruptive and loud. Since then, I found myself behaving as if there was a crate full of eggs underneath my feet. I walked quietly and I spoke in a quieter voice than usual. For the first time in a long time, I even hushed my laughter. I realized right then that this was not who I was. I was never known to hush when I was told. I was never known to be submissive under someone’s else’s command. This simply was not who I was. All the while, people were telling me how “free” they thought I was as an artist. I couldn’t help but feel a little caged.
For the weeks after, I slowly relearned how to laugh. I let others here me approaching when I walked. I let out boisterous laughs when I felt something needed to be lightened. I talked in a voice that people could hear and understand that I, indeed, am here.
Sometimes, its easy to feel like we’re being a burden to someone close to us. Sometimes, its easy to rush back into ourselves and forget who we are. It even seems easy to begin to please others and, all the while, forget about ourselves and that, we too, exist. I am certainly one of those who sees the needs of others before my own. This is just the way I am. However, I think its very important that we not forget about ourselves – that we take a little time each day to remember who we are and to reflect on that…to make sure that we are living our lives in absolute colour.
