October 3rd, 2011
i’ve never waited for anything.
i’ve never waited for a lover.
i’ve never waited for love.
i’ve never waited to be loved.
i’ve never waited to be confided in.
i’ve never waited to be trusted.
i’ve never waited to speak my mind.
i’ve never waited to find a resolution.
i’ve never waited to listen.
i’ve never waited to love.
i’ve never waited to be present.
i’ve never even waited for the future.
i’ve never waited to change my life.
but i have been scared.
i’ve been scared to love.
i’ve been scared to be loved.
i’ve been scared to listen.
i’ve been scared to understand.
i’ve been scared to change my life.
i’ve been scared to make choices. to decide.
i’ve been scared to give.
i’ve been scared to run.
i’ve been scared to stay.
i’ve been scared to live.
but i made a plan. and maybe the plans didn’t pan out. but that’s ok. i still had goals. and i still had a plan.
i didn’t wait for the life i wanted. i didn’t wait for life to catch up.
every second, i make the life i want. do it. and live it. every second. every moment.
i can’t see 10 miles down the road. but i know what i want to see when i get there.
June 25th, 2011
I have all these old voicemail messages from ages ago but really, its only been 2 years. It feels like ages though.
Once in a while, when I retrieve new voicemail messages, the lady machine tells me: “Your message from xxx-xxx-xxxx will be deleted from your mailbox.” I can choose to press 7 to delete or 9 to save.
I always press 9. Sometimes, I listen to the very first message he ever left. The deep voice. The cute chuckle. I remember where I was when I got the call (a museum). What I was doing (walking in the grass). What I was feeling when I found out it was him (I barely knew him but my heart went thumpthumpthump). Sometimes, it feels like a mistake to have ever uttered a word (“Why did I just say that?” “Why didn’t I just say this?”. Sometimes, it feels like luck – to have had the privledge to know someone like him.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would feel like to press 7. Somewhere between heartwrenching and mournful?
I think it would feel like they died.
March 26th, 2011
I am a small town, you are a tornado
and down the high street you tear into me
bring down the powerlines and you twist the heart right out of me
even my house couldnt stand the state
February 26th, 2011
It does not matter how slow you go so long as you do not stop
February 23rd, 2011
Photo: Roy Schatt, 1954.
“He was a disrupter of norms, a bender of rules, a disquieter of calm.”
February 22nd, 2011
caught a lite sneeze
caught a lite breeze
caught a lightweight
lighting seed
February 14th, 2011
Everything happened yesterday. Trina was yesterday. Brew was yesterday, Johnny Gringo was yesterday. I was a kid yesterday. And my whole world was yesterday. I ain’t got nothing but today and a whole lot of tomorrows.
February 5th, 2011
“In all our quest of greatness, like wanton boys, whose pastime is their care, we follow after bubbles, blown in the air.”
February 5th, 2011
Hi, you’re going to be in my family soon. I hope you like the room I set up for you.
February 4th, 2011
the destination was never as significant because of who was driving.
